So I was 18 years old, sittin at my friend's house (let's call her Mara), drinkin and chillin and talkin about boobs. I remarked that mine were extremely swollen. Mara looked at my chest and said, "Damn." Then she poked my boob, repeated, "Damn," and full-on grabbed it. Her eyes had never been so wide. "Damn. That joker's hard as a rock!"
About an hour later, after a field trip to Wally World to get piss sticks, we found out I was pregnant.
Fast forward 10 years. I'm at work, concerned just a bit because my boobs are, again, swollen. But it's different this time. They're only swollen in certain parts, and they hurt like hell. Another friend (let's call this one Monique), had had issues in the past with fibrocystic breast disease/condition. I've talked with Monique about a number of personal, extremely private issues (pretty much everything from farts and poo to boners and the tricks we use to get out of sex) so I didn't feel at all weird with approaching her at the end of the day and asking, "Are we at the point in our friendship where I can ask you to feel my boob and tell me if it's like what you had?"
The look of disgust on her face told me that we are, indeed, not at that point.
Her assistant (who'd been nearby) reacted even more dramatically, screaming, "NO!" and leaving the room.
Okay, awkward. I was at a loss for words. I was expecting Monique to laugh and say something smartassed, as is our norm, but this. . . this threw me for a loop. I was embarrassed and wondering what was so nasty about my body that they were both freakin out at the thought of touching it.
After that initial WTF, the both of them asked how my boobs felt and described what the condition was like for them. So I guess we're still cool to talk about things, just not come into physical contact with one another, even if it's through 3 layers of clothing. I even got my bearings back to tease, "Come on, you sure you don't want a little poke here?"
Okay, so am I just that damn weird that I thought nothing of this request? Did I approach it from the wrong angle? Did I simply ask the wrong person, or misjudge our relationship? What's so horribly gross about feeling a part of a friend? How's what I asked any different than "Dang, my neck's swollen--feel this shit?"
They're just boobs. I doubt either of us would have enjoyed her poking my lumpy mammies.
And they are seriously lumpy.
Anyway. . . really, what's wrong with me? Is there such a thing as being too open? Was Mara just as odd as me that she thought nothing of it, either? I haven't spoken to Mara in 9 years, but I suddenly have a new-found bondy-type feeling for her.
A few years ago, I was hanging out with a very old, very close guy friend, and the subject turned to moms and changes and stuff. I lamented how I had never appreciated just how awesome my boobs had been before kids--I'd always bitched about them being so freakin big. "Now," I bemoaned, "they're like holding up half-filled water balloons by the tied part."
Without hesitating, my friend grabbed one for a second, gave it a good shake, then laughed his ass off. "Like a baseball in a tube sock."
Again, neither of us got anything from it, didn't think anything of it--had it been a spot on my arm it wouldn't have been any different.
Huh. I don't speak to that friend any more either. Maybe my boobs are emitting subtle GTFO signals that I'm unaware of?
Back to the matter at hand. What's wrong with a little boobage between friends? Or is it just odd that I found 2 friends who didn't give a shit?
About an hour later, after a field trip to Wally World to get piss sticks, we found out I was pregnant.
Fast forward 10 years. I'm at work, concerned just a bit because my boobs are, again, swollen. But it's different this time. They're only swollen in certain parts, and they hurt like hell. Another friend (let's call this one Monique), had had issues in the past with fibrocystic breast disease/condition. I've talked with Monique about a number of personal, extremely private issues (pretty much everything from farts and poo to boners and the tricks we use to get out of sex) so I didn't feel at all weird with approaching her at the end of the day and asking, "Are we at the point in our friendship where I can ask you to feel my boob and tell me if it's like what you had?"
The look of disgust on her face told me that we are, indeed, not at that point.
Her assistant (who'd been nearby) reacted even more dramatically, screaming, "NO!" and leaving the room.
Okay, awkward. I was at a loss for words. I was expecting Monique to laugh and say something smartassed, as is our norm, but this. . . this threw me for a loop. I was embarrassed and wondering what was so nasty about my body that they were both freakin out at the thought of touching it.
After that initial WTF, the both of them asked how my boobs felt and described what the condition was like for them. So I guess we're still cool to talk about things, just not come into physical contact with one another, even if it's through 3 layers of clothing. I even got my bearings back to tease, "Come on, you sure you don't want a little poke here?"
Okay, so am I just that damn weird that I thought nothing of this request? Did I approach it from the wrong angle? Did I simply ask the wrong person, or misjudge our relationship? What's so horribly gross about feeling a part of a friend? How's what I asked any different than "Dang, my neck's swollen--feel this shit?"
They're just boobs. I doubt either of us would have enjoyed her poking my lumpy mammies.
And they are seriously lumpy.
Anyway. . . really, what's wrong with me? Is there such a thing as being too open? Was Mara just as odd as me that she thought nothing of it, either? I haven't spoken to Mara in 9 years, but I suddenly have a new-found bondy-type feeling for her.
A few years ago, I was hanging out with a very old, very close guy friend, and the subject turned to moms and changes and stuff. I lamented how I had never appreciated just how awesome my boobs had been before kids--I'd always bitched about them being so freakin big. "Now," I bemoaned, "they're like holding up half-filled water balloons by the tied part."
Without hesitating, my friend grabbed one for a second, gave it a good shake, then laughed his ass off. "Like a baseball in a tube sock."
Again, neither of us got anything from it, didn't think anything of it--had it been a spot on my arm it wouldn't have been any different.
Huh. I don't speak to that friend any more either. Maybe my boobs are emitting subtle GTFO signals that I'm unaware of?
Back to the matter at hand. What's wrong with a little boobage between friends? Or is it just odd that I found 2 friends who didn't give a shit?
